Day 5
Point to Ponder: Life is a test and a trust.
Verse: "Unless you are faithful in small matters, you won't be faithful in large ones." Luke 16:10a (NLT)
Question to Consider: What has happened to me recently that I now realize was a test from God? What are the greatest matters god has entrusted to me?
Well, what has happened to me recently, where to start? After years of a severe and all encompassing depression and an emotional breakdown which included the end of my marriage, I was finally able to open my heart to God. I realize now that God "broke" me so that I would need him more than I needed to protect myself. I thought I could do it on my own, I thought that I didn't need God, I was walking, no running away... God said,"NO, wait." There is to much to go into from the last few years of being tested, but I feel God continued to remind me of His faithfulness.
The fact that Joe has fallen in love with someone else and that he was with her before our marriage ended and went to her after our marriage ended was a huge test of my faith and my faith was still so new when I found out. Although I was hurt and shocked at first, I feel that God gave me the strength and the grace to deal with it in a mature and healthy way.
God, I know you love me. I know you have been here for me all along. I know all of this. I know you never want to harm me.. but I am hurting right now Lord. I am hurting deeply and I don't know if I can do this. I don't want to hurt anymore Lord. I want to feel joy and I want to feel and receive love. I don't want to feel insecure. I don't want to feel scared that I won't live up to someone else's image. Please dear Lord, please give me the strength to get through this. Please help me to not feel angry and resentful.. I need to be whole now. I need to not go back to that dark place again. I beg of you to help me, give me your strength. Fill me with YOUR perfect love. Fill me with the power to forgive Lord. Please, I need my family back. I need to be with them. Please help me to be a good mom and a wonderful wife Lord. Help me to pour all of my love and afection into Joe Lord. I want to be of service to him Lord. I want him to feel how wonderful I believe him to be...
Please help me...help me to just love him. I am begging you to help me put my family back together.
Thank you Lord Jesus. Thank you for your sacrifice. Thank you for hearing my prayers and for working on Joe's heart. Thank you for allowing him to feel that he at least wants to give this a chance again and help me to live up to his expectations.
I love you Father. I love YOU. I want to serve YOU. I want to be an example of YOUR love and your faithfulness.. please allow me to be that Father.
Please allow me to serve you.
